Life Gets the Better of Us

I am updating some of my accounts, and lo and behold, I stumbled across my long defunct blog, “Better Than the First Half.”

I’m not going to write anything tonight.

I’m going to stew in my own self-loathing for a while, but then, I think that I am going to pick up where I left off.  So much has transpired in the last few years, especially since my last post, so I certainly wouldn’t be at a loss for content.

When I started this blog, I had high hopes and good intentions.  As the title of this post says, though, “life gets the better of us.”  We get busy.  We get side-tracked.  We follow whatever particular rabbit trail captures our imagination at the moment, only to find ourselves long removed from our familiar pastures.

I did say that I’m not going to write anything tonight, right?

Because I’m not.

But suffice to say that my blogging itch has been stimulated again, so after I take my brief stint in self-loathing, I’ll drop by here again and see what, if anything, comes next.

Until then…

Stay tuned.

What Are You Good At?

‎"You owe it to us all to get on with what you’re good at." ~ W. H. Auden

What are you good at?  What do you think you are good at?  What do you dream about being good at?

I pose these questions to you, dear hypothetical reader, because I am thoroughly convinced that each and every member of society has something unique to offer.  Your skills, talents, and abilities may impact thousands of people, or may touch the life of one, but no gifting shared with others.is wasted.  Each of us carries within us something that somebody else needs, and to hold back from stepping out into your calling out of fear is to deprive others.

We may or may not know what that is.  But somewhere, deep inside our spirits, there is a restless itch that nags at us for expression.  It is that inner whisper that calls to us, and never stays silent for long.  For me, it is writing, it is photography, it is music.  Am I “good” at these things?  I’m sure that it depends upon who you ask.  What’s important, though, is if I discover within me the raw undeveloped elements of talent, it is my responsibility to nurture it.

Nobody ever begins ‘good’ at anything, no matter how effortless it seems.  If the passion is there, pursue it.  Make mistakes.  Fail.  Try again.  Above all, don’t give up.  As W. H. Auden wrote, “You owe it to us all to get on with what you’re good at.”

So I ask you again – What are you good at?  What do you want to be good at?

Update on My Writing Dreams

“The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.”
~ Norbet Platt

In autumn of 2009, I took a creative writing course as part of my college studies, which I had blogged about in earlier posts.  At that time, I had taken great joy from rediscovering my passion for writing and for the creative process, and upon the conclusion of that class, I had assumed that my inner fire was going to continue to burn bright and strong.  I was going to finally write that novel, or at least write something suitable for publication.

I was wrong.

Shortly after the class was over, the words stopped flowing.  That is to say, the words didn’t necessarily stop flowing so much as I stopped trying.  For those twelve weeks during which I had mindfully tapped deep into my psyche to draw out stories, poems, musings, etc., it became easier and easier to cast words upon the page, to give them live, if even in my own eyes.  Once the deadlines and discipline of the class ended, however, I stopped pushing myself to “just do it”.

But… I have to remind myself that I didn’t let that fire entirely dwindle out.  In the year that has passed since that class, I have been periodically stirring the embers.  A blog post here, a deeper thought articulated as a status message there, a narrative in an e-mail here, and an expression of emotion in prolonged conversation there… I have continued to give myself snippets of voice.  Granted, it has not been on the scale of the creative writing assignments, but it is still considerably more than I have written in years.

So, for any of you who have followed this blog through its fits and starts since I originally launched it, and who have wondered what ever became of the whole writing thing….  I may not be as “on fire” as I was a year ago at this time, but the embers are definitely smoldering and sparking, waiting for the right wind to come to breathe upon them.

The dream to write is still alive.

Ch…ch…ch…Changes

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” 
~ Alexander Graham Bell

Life is a constant series of transitions.  Unfortunately, all too often, just as we have finally adjusted to the last series of changes, we are blindsided by a whole new set of changes.  Indeed, as it is said, “change is the only constant.”

I’ve gotten to the point in my life where if things remain the same for a little too long, I begin to get restless and nervous, knowing that the longer the peace, the greater the change.  Personally, I prefer change to come in small, steady increments, always flowing and evolving.  But I have no say in these matters, and it’s probably just as well that I don’t.

Am I the same person that I was this time last year?  Yes and no.  I can look back at some of the blog entries I had written around that time, and while I see a man who is mostly familiar, I also see someone who has become a little bit of a stranger to me.  Yet, it is difficult to identify what is different, much less to try to articulate what I think I see.

Change is inevitable, and while we cannot prevent its coming, we can make the most of the opportunities to learn and to grow that it always presents.  The past will always live on in our hearts, but we cannot live there.

As the doors in your life are shutting, some slammed, some gently closed, don’t linger long, but look around for the doors that are even now opening to you.  The next chapter of your adventure awaits, if you will only step boldly through.

Transitions

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

As of this writing, I am 42 and a half.  I am still at the beginning stages (I hope) of the second half of my life.  My first 40 years are still a set of taillights in my rearview mirror, driving away from me, but still close enough for me to hear the roar of the engine, to smell the exhaust left behind it its wake. 

Many things have changed over the past couple of years, and I am acutely aware that I am in a state of transition… only I don’t know what lies ahead.  I’ll let you know when I’ve figured it out.  In the meantime, looking back at the posts I’ve written here so far, I can see several things:

1. I haven’t found my blog ‘hook’ yet.  I intended to just journal some of my thoughts and perceptions as I entered my post-40 years, but I’ve yet to find a specific focus to write about.  I’ve written about writing, I’ve written about school, I’ve written about emotions, I’ve shared a few items I found to be interesting or humorous.  I’ve made my own attempts at being insightful and introspective.  Which brings me to the next point…
2. I’ve spent a lot of time saying much, yet saying nothing.  That’s not to say that I haven’t said anything of inherent value, for much of the worth of writing depends upon the reader, which in this case was me.  *I*, at least, identified and related to what I wrote.  My point is, though, that I need to find my focus point for this blog, and to write posts more closely related to it, instead of random meanderings.  Which brings me to the NEXT point…
3. I’m too wordy!  Enough said.  And finally…
4. I’ve slacked off in writing posts.  Again, stating the obvious here.  As has traditionally been the norm for me, I started this blog well, writing regularly, but all too soon completely fell off the map.

So, here I am, almost a year after starting this blog, picking up the proverbial pen once again.  I’m going to try to make a few adjustments in the above areas, and see if I can’t get back into the swing of writing regularly again.  One factor that may motivate me to do so is that I’ve recently begun a stint as one of the student bloggers at Granite State College.  I’m tasked with writing 8-10 blog posts over the course of a 12-week term, so perhaps writing there will inspire me to write here as well.

What does all this have to do with the Emerson quote above?  Simple.  Among my critics, perhaps the one I take the most seriously is my own inner critic, who constantly urges me to just quit, who tells me that I’ll never succeed at anything, who relentlessly torments me with self-doubt and self-condemnation.  I’m learning to ignore him.

By the way, if you’re reading this, and are interested in checking out my other blog, it’s here:

http://blog.granite.edu/blog/underacheiver-no-more

And, having said that, if you are reading this…. Thank you!  :-)

To Blog or Not to Blog

I recently learned about Blogger’s new Template Designer feature.  Suddenly, a whole wealth of design possibilities became available to me, and my first reaction was “Wow!”  My second reaction, however, was an incredible wave of guilt and shame as I realized just how long it has been since my last post. 

What is the point of getting excited over design potential if I don’t add content from time to time?

Other friends have continued to be faithful at the whole blogging experience:

http://vanbontasguitars.blogspot.com/
http://wegovorimblog.blogspot.com/
http://peart93.blogspot.com/

But, as for me?  Well, I don’t really have an acceptable answer to that, and it’s making me think long and hard about whether I should attempt to fire up the old initiative, or whether I should just cut my losses and admit defeat in this area.

I enjoyed writing while I was doing it regularly.

I also have a hard time sustaining momentum after a while.

If I were to stick around for a little while longer, I think that I’ll need to refine the purpose and intent of this blog to better clarify what I mean by “Better Than the First Half”, and to write posts focusing on whatever that is.

Thoughts, anyone?

Anybody?

A Quote on Intentions

“What is the quality of your intent?

“Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words. When we intend to do good, we do. When we intend to do harm, it happens. What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent.

“My intent will be evident in the results.”

~ Thurgood Marshall