A Quote on Intentions

“What is the quality of your intent?

“Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words. When we intend to do good, we do. When we intend to do harm, it happens. What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent.

“My intent will be evident in the results.”

~ Thurgood Marshall

Order Out of Chaos

Another twelve-week term is about to begin.  This time around, I am taking “Assessment of Prior Learning” and “Software Tools”.  The latter should be fairly simple for me – I had debated applying for waiver to bypass the course, as I already have a comfortable familiarity with computers, Windows, Microsoft Office, and the Internet.  However, in light of the coursework I’m anticipating in my other class, and the fact that I could always stand to learn more about Office, I decided to take the class to provide a sense of balance for the winter term.

“Assessment of Prior Learning” is not a class, per se.  I’ll be working one-on-one with a mentor in the weeks ahead to gather and assess all of my relevant knowledge and skills gained through my life and work experiences.  By the end of the term, I’ll have developed a written portfolio summarizing and documenting this information, and will be submitting it for consideration for further college credits toward my degree in addition to the four credits awarded for the course.

I have no idea how much, if any, of my life experience will translate into college credit.  I’m currently feeling as though I am sitting in the middle of stacks of unsorted snapshots of my life with the goal of determining which are worthy of preservation in a scrapbook, of organizing them by date, of categorizing them by subject, and of completing said scrapbook as a cohesive final project all within twelve weeks.

In other words, I’m to make order out of chaos.

For a spatial, abstract thinker like me, this is not always easy.  It isn’t undoable, thankfully.  I sometimes have to employ specific strategies in order to adopt a linear mindset, but it can be done.  If nothing else, I’ll emerge on the other side of this course with four more credits toward my degree, a cohesive unified understanding of my working knowledge and skills, and an articulate narrative of who I am and where I’ve been in life to date.

Now if I could just learn to say in ten words what I tend to say in a hundred…

A Few (for me) Words on 2009

By now, I’m sure the blogosphere (do they still call it that?) is abuzz with reminiscences and analysis of 2009, or even of the entire first decade of the 21st century.  I had a brief thought of casting my words in that general direction as well, but thought better of it.  There are far more articulate, humorous, insightful people than myself already saying all there could possibly be said about what Time Magazine described as “The Decade from Hell.”

I don’t know about that, but I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective.  As for me, however, I’m not going to waste my words on negativity, but I’m choosing to look at some of the blessings that God gave me in 2009.

Here’s just the first few that come to mind:

• I rediscovered my love for writing, even as my long-standing writer’s block crumbled into dust.  No, I haven’t been published.  No, I haven’t written a book, nor am I in the process of writing anything “big” as of yet, but there are stories and poems within me gaining voice.
• I reconnected with several friends through Facebook, where I also made many new friendships with people I had known in a whole other lifetime.
• I stopped talking about entering my photography into the annual fair, and I actually did it, thanks to my wife who was a constant source of encouragement.  Not only did I have the sense of satisfaction from putting something of me “out there”, but I managed to win a blue ribbon for my efforts!  Sure, it’s just a photography contest in a small town country fair, but to me, I might as well have won the Nobel Peace Prize.  (Okay, slight exaggeration, but it really was a big deal to me…)
• Again, I stopped talking about someday taking the Mensa admission test, and actually did it, again partly due to the loving support and encouragement of my wife.  The test itself was a fun experience, but I don’t think anything in 2009 floored me more than receiving my acceptance and welcome letter in the mail.  That particular day had been a very difficult, emotionally draining day, and the letter was an unexpected ray of sunshine through otherwise dark and dreary storm clouds.

In many ways, 2009 was, for me, a year of redemption, whether measured in friendships, in talents, in brain cells;  at 40, I’d wandered through much of my life feeling as if my potential had long since been drained away in lost opportunities and neglected abilities.  Then, in the fall of 2008, after a 20-year “break”, I re-enrolled in college and discovered that I still knew a thing or two.

It was through 2009, however, that I learned that somewhere along the line, I’ve developed a much greater passion for life and learning than I’ve ever had.  Suddenly, my life is not defined by the years rapidly vanishing in the rearview mirror, nor by the indiscernible fog of the future, nor by the fleetingness of the scenery as it races by me.

Instead, I am simply enjoying the journey along the way.

Oh, and writing about it.

Same Blog, Different Year

2009 is officially behind us, but I’m too physically and emotionally exhausted to process, parse, and pontificate on the significance of the date change in my life.  I haven’t abandoned this blog, but I took a much needed break after my last term ended, haven almost literally written my brains out over the past four months.

Traditionally, New Year’s Eve has always been a time of quiet introspection, of reviewing the past year and looking forward the year to come, of contemplating life, the universe, and everything.  This one, though, was spent in sheer exhaustion, having spent the day at the hospital with my wife for her carpal tunnel surgery (which went well) and her subsequent recovery (which did not go well).  Having only slept for one hour the night before, by the time the ball dropped, I was dropping as well.

My only tangible resolution for 2010 (so far, and I’ll explain that philosophy in a future post) is to just keep writing, no matter what.

Not tonight, though.

Happy New Year!